the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
