My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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