I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
