so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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