Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize