I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
im on a boat
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