Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
