Pants 0. Shit 1.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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