On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
