and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
