he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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