so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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