My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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