I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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