I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
