god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
