I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
3pm strippers are depressing
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
