He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
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