Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Pants are for mortals
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
