is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just pee around me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
