It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
