I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
