the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
