I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
