well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
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