On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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