So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
