Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
