I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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