youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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