It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
