Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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