We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
