well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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