textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
