I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
