Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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