WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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