am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
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