I puked a lego.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
