You're my little dorito
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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