Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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