haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
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I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
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