well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
