I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
