The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i don't like sucking hair
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
