maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
