Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
