Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
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My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
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I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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