This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
