thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
