Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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