Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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