Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
birth control should be required to get into college
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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