NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
