Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Panties = found
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
