You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
