If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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