dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
