I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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