i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
