Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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