i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
