i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
