Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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