I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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