i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
