waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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