Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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