Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
