my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
