It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize