I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
