Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
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Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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