I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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