Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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