never play flip cup with pint glasses
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
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the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
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So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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