Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
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