She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
