I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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