i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
