At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
